Comic #5916: dear-satan

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Panel 1:
DEAR SATAN, IF YOU’RE ALL POWERFUL, ALL KNOWING, AND ALL EVIL, WHY DO GOOD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE?

Panel 2:
LOOK, IT’S ALL IN THE BIG EQUATION. THE GOAL ISN’T PURE BADNESS IT’S MAXIMUM BADNESS.

Panel 3:
IMAGINE LIFE IS UNMITIGATED MISERY. GOD SENDS A TSUNAMI OR AN EARTHQUAKE OR SOMETHING, BUT NOBODY CARES. IT’S A RELIEF WHEN THEY GET DRAGGED UNDER.

Panel 4:
NOW, SUPPOSE I RUN AROUND MAKING THE WORLD BEAUTIFUL, PUTTING SMILES ON CHILDREN’S FACES, MAKING THE FLOWERS BLOOM, NUDGING POETS TO MAKE BEAUTIFUL THINGS AND SCIENTISTS TO INCREASE HEALTHY LIFESPANS. THEN WUHAM, GOD COMES IN WITH A HUGE MISERY SPIKE THAT MORE THAN OFFSETS THE POSITIVE MOMENTS.

Panel 5:
SO GOD DOESN’T CREATE THE HAPPY STUFF?

Panel 6:
RIGHT, THAT’S ME. WE DO A SORT OF GOOD-COP-BAD-COP THING.

Panel 7:
MAYBE I’LL ANGLE TO END UP IN HELL THEN?

Panel 8:
SORRY, NO VACANCY. FORNICATION IS OFF THE WALL UP THERE LATELY.

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