Comic #2696: 2012-10-03

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Description

Here's the transcription of the comic text:

Panel 1:
Person 1: "BAD NEWS. YOU'RE GOING TO DIE SOON."
Person 2: "NO."

Panel 2:
Person 1: "GOOD NEWS! THE WILL TO LIVE IS JUST PROGRAMMING BRED INTO YOU BY EVOLUTION! WE CAN REMOVE IT WITH TECHNOLOGY."
Person 2: "YES!"

Panel 3:
Person 1: "BAD NEWS. THE MORE YOU THINK ABOUT IT, THE MORE YOU'LL PERCEIVE THAT A CHANGE IN YOUR MOST PRIMAL FEELINGS REPRESENTS PERSONAL ANNIHILATION—DEATH HIMSELF, DISGUISED IN YOUR DELUSION OF PERSISTENT CONSCIOUSNESS…"
Person 2: "WHY'D YOU HAVE TO SAY THAT?"

Panel 4:
Person 1: "GOOD NEWS! WE CAN USE TECHNOLOGY TO REMOVE YOUR ABILITY TO FEEL BAD ABOUT THAT TOO."
Person 2: "HURRAY!"

Panel 5:
Person 1: "BAD NEWS. BEFORE WE PERFORM THAT PROCEDURE, YOU'LL COME TO RECOGNIZE IT AS EQUIVALENT TO THE FIRST ONE I DESCRIBED, ONLY NOW IT'S TWO STEPS INSTEAD OF ONE."
Person 2: "WHY DO YOU KEEP—"

Panel 6:
Person 1: "GOOD NEWS! WE CAN ADD SO MANY STEPS THAT THEY GROW SO SMALL AND MYRIAD THAT YOUR IMAGINARY CONSCIOUSNESS EXPERIENCES ONLY A GENTLE HAND-OFF AS WE IMPERCEPTIBLY ABLATE AWAY MORE AND MORE OF YOUR PSYCHE."

Panel 7:
Person 2: "CAN I JUST HAVE A GALLON OF MORPHINE?"
Person 1: "SORRY, I DON'T BELIEVE IN EUTHANASIA."

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