Comic #7117: vice
Description
Here’s the accurate transcription of the comic:
Panel 1: Character with a beard and glasses is talking to a woman.
- Bearded Character: "GOOD MORNING, WIFE. I’M DELIGHTED TO ANNOUNCE THE SELECTION OF MY VICE-HUSBAND."
- Woman: "WHAT?"
Panel 2: The bearded character gestures toward another man who is smiling.
- Bearded Character: "IN THE EVENT OF MY DEATH OR RESIGNATION AS YOUR LIFE-PARTNER, DAVE IS READY TO STEP INTO THE ROLE OF HUSBAND ON DAY ONE."
Panel 3: The woman looks confused; the bearded character continues to explain.
- Bearded Character: "BUT—"
- Bearded Character: "DAVE IS PART OF A BALANCED MARITAL TICKET."
Panel 4:
- Bearded Character: "WHEREAS I HOLD EXTREME POSITIONS ON ISSUES LIKE VACATION PREFERENCES AND SHAVING FREQUENCY, DAVE IS A SOLIDLY AVERAGE SOULMATE."
Panel 5: As the bearded character continues, the man named Dave smiles pleasantly.
- Bearded Character: "HIS VIEWS ARE IN LINE WITH SURVEY DATA ON WIFE PREFERENCES, AND HE HAS A SOOTHING REGIONAL ACCENT."
- Dave: "NICE TA MEETCHA, MA’AM."
Panel 6: The bearded character looks slightly annoyed while gesturing widely.
- Bearded Character: "GOD I HATE HOW WE ALL GET WEIRD AROUND ELECTION SEASON."
- Dave: "I WILL NOT BE A HUSBAND FOR LEFT OR RIGHT, BUT FOR ALL WIFE!"