Comic #4278: christian-science

Description

Here’s the transcription of the comic:

Panel 1: Narrator: We know that Jesus was buoyant enough to ascend into the heavens.

Panel 2: Narrator: We also know that, most of the time, he walked on land, which suggests he carried something to weigh him down.

Panel 3: Narrator: We also know that he walked on water. Thus, we know that while carrying the weights, he was buoyant enough to walk on water, but not buoyant enough to float in the air.

Panel 4: Narrator: Given the ability to alter his buoyancy at will, and the evidence from other stories, we believe it is likely that he used miraculous fish and bread to adjust his density.

Panel 5: Narrator: This internal fish and bread generation system acted as a sort of swim bladder, allowing him to select buoyancy and thus move up and down in the air column as needed.

Panel 6: Narrator: Given these facts, we can comfortably establish that he "rose after three days" due to a buildup of gasses pertaining to fish putrefaction.

Panel 7: Character 1: Question! So, is theo-physics a real field, or are you just one more crazy old man with tenure?

Panel 8: Character 2: That is a matter for philosophers of theo-physics.

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