Comic #3795: a-to-do-app

Description

Here's a transcription of the text from the comic:

Panel 1: "We created a new kind of to-do app. Everyone in this company gets points for completing tasks. Whoever has the most points at the end gets to decode the value of tasks."

Panel 2: "By the first night, unspoken hatred went from a problem to a solution." "I HAVE to win. I’m the only sane person here."

Panel 3: "By the fourth night, productivity had increased tenfold." "I’ve been building spreadsheets for 87 hours straight. I can taste sound." "I’m gonna skip lunch and eat this conversation."

Panel 4: "On the seventh night, a leader emerged." "I would like to give thanks to my husband who was always there for me, ready to share his prescription for amphetamines."

Panel 5: "As we hoped, she was a tyrant." "All tasks have a point value, and the task of task assignment, which is worth 1,000,000 points."

Panel 6: "You armchair sociologists might think the morale drop would cause turnover." "Each moment of my life is worse than the last. And today’s coffee is hazardous." "I hate her so much I must stay until she is destroyed."

Panel 7: "Fearing for her safety, Agnes began to telecommute, then to telecommute by proxy." "Urinating during work hours shall cost 400 points. Do let it be written."

Panel 8: "Forty days passed. And forty nights. And by that time, no employee knew if she were alive or dead, or if she ever existed." "Don't forget: praise Agnes to put on a new hat. She is watching."

Panel 9: "The legend grows greater and more terrible." "Weave a circle round her thrice and close your eyes with holy dread for she wants to lower overhead and said that we should 'synergize.'"

Panel 10: "This is not mere 'best practices,' my friends." "A pay freeze? Well, I’ll just work twice as hard! Then I will be the Agnes."

Panel 11: "And that is how Snuggy Co. produces cheaper, better puppy-vests than most of the competition." "GASP!"

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