Comic #3583: potential-mates
Description
Here's a transcription of the text from the comic:
Panel 1: Character 1: "You’re lucky. When I was a little girl, there were only three human mates. Now there are seven! That’s why kids can’t decide nowadays."
Panel 2: Character 2: "But, most of those mates were inaccessible."
Panel 3: Character 3: "I am not going to travel ten miles and learn a new dialect just so I can be with a person who understands my innermost self."
Panel 4: Character 4: "Later, travel became cheap, translation software was optimized."
Text below: "Estimated relationship length is 3,643 years. It obviously wouldn't work out."
Panel 5: Character 5: "The sex was incredible, and I could spend a lifetime just talking to you. But I want a guy who parts his hair to the other side."
Character 6: "I mean without me asking…"
Panel 6: Character 7: "Since the algorithm favored assortative mating, couples tended to be genetically similar."
Character 8: "I’ve always wanted to meet someone else with four legs and severe hursitism."
Character 7: "Me too!"
Panel 7: Character 9: "Most humans couldn’t find the perfect mate. But, those who did felt a profound urge to procreate."
Character 10: "There should be more of this."
Panel 8: Character 11: "In time, humanity split into a few dozen species."
Character 12: "I think we should call it software-induced speculation."
Character 11: "That’s just the sort of stupid notion I’d expect from a descendant of Joe and Sally."
Panel 9: Character 13: "Each lineage was so genetically homogeneous, it was extremely vulnerable to biological warfare. Once this was realized, Armageddon was inevitable."
Text below: "In today’s news, all progeny of Umberto and Frank will be dead soon! Included symptoms: exactly the same symptoms. Wow!"
Panel 10: Character 14: "When civilization fell apart, the only survivors were people who were okay mating across species lines."
Character 15: "Hey baby. Nice cloaca."
Final Panel: Character 16: "100,000 years later, you were watching porno on the internet. And, well… now you know why you feel the way you do post-orgasm."
Character 17: "Why didn’t my disgust reflex prevent this browser history?"
If you need anything else, feel free to ask!