Comic #3300: 2014-05-31
Description
Sure! Here is the transcription of the text from the comic:
Panel 1: "WE CONDUCTED A PSYCHOLOGY EXPERIMENT. WE CAN ONLY AFFORD TEN SUBJECTS, SO THAT'S WHAT WE'VE GOT."
Panel 2: "WE FOUND AN EXTRAORDINARY RESULT." "ALL THE WOMEN IN THE GROUP WERE SEXUALLY ATTRACTED TO NOSES. THE LARGER THE NOSE, THE BETTER."
Panel 3: "WE WERE PUBLISHED IN NATURE." "EVERY WOMAN IN HER HEART."
Panel 4: "AND THE MEDIA PICKED IT UP." "WHICH POINTED OUT EXPERTS CLAIMED FROM OBSERVATION…"
Panel 5: "I DON'T KNOW WHY THIS IS NEWS. WE'VE BEEN SAYING THE NOSE HAS ALWAYS BEEN CONSIDERED THE MOST FORGOTTEN PART OF THE MIDDLE FACE."
Panel 6: "MEDIA CONSUMERS INCORPORATED IT INTO THEIR SELF-CONCEPTION." "THINKING BACK, I'VE ALWAYS HAD A THING FOR NOSES."
Panel 7: "I'VE ALWAYS FELT I WASN'T NATURALLY INADEQUATE."
Panel 8: "LATER, WE DISCOVERED A POTENTIAL FLAWS." "YOU HEARD YOU GET THOSE FIVE WOMEN, BY THE WAY?"
Panel 9: "USING OUR NEWFOUND FAME, WE WERE ABLE TO DO A BETTER STUDY." "WHAT'S THE CERTIFICATE YOU SIGNED? AS IN, 'YOU FUCKED UP.'"
Panel 10: "THE RESULTS WERE WORRIED." "I THINK A GOOD HEADLINE WOULD BE, 'EXPERIMENT FINDS NEGATIVE RESULT.' WHAT DO YOU THINK? HELLO?"
Panel 11: "THE FALSE RESULT WAS SO POPULAR, IT BEGAN TO BE TRUE." "IT'S TIME WE HAD THE SEX TALK. YOU SHOULDN'T JUDGE A GUY BY HIS NOSE SIZE. BUT, YOU WANT TO…"
Panel 12: "BOB, I LOVE YOU, BUT I WAS JUST LOOKING AT YOUR NOSE." "SORRY, IT'S HARD TO HEAR."
Panel 13: "UNABLE TO STOP IT, WE ACCEPTED FAME, FORTUNE, AND TENUDE." "WE LAUNCHED A FIELD DEVELOPED TO MAKE NOSE GROWTH MORE RIGOROUS."
Panel 14: "ISAAC GEOMETRY, THE UNIVERSITY IS GIVING ME MY OWN DEPARTMENT."
Panel 15: "LATER, CROSS-CULTURAL STUDIES FINALLY CAST DOUBT ON THE DISPROVEN IDEA." "A NEWLY-DISCOURSED TRIBE OF PAPUA AND GUINEA'S ARE SO SIZABLY SUPPRESSED; THEY SEE NOTHING SEXY ABOUT NOSES."
Panel 16: "WE THOUGHT THE FALSE NOTION WOULD FINALLY DIE." "THE TRUTH IS A STUBBORN THING."
Panel 17: "WE WERE WRONG." "WE HAVE COME TO LITERALLY "EROTIC NOSE IMPLANTS.""
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