Comic #2497: 2012-03-18
Description
Here's a detailed transcription of the comic:
Panel 1:
- Scientist: "We feared we would not survive the nuclear apocalypse, so we created a new race, superior in every way."
- New Human: "Not only will they survive the war, they will surpass Homo sapiens in every way that is desirable."
Panel 2:
- Caption: "But then the apocalypse never came."
- Graph Description: "Things that are more entertaining than watching the world burn" (X-axis labeled "Time")
Panel 3:
- Scientist: "We thought it best to exterminate the new humans, but they managed to escape to a hidden location."
- New Human: "Come back! Trust us! Humans would never destroy anything beautiful."
Panel 4:
- Scientist: "They returned fifty years later with an army and advanced technology."
- New Humans: (various expressions, all with blue skin and indifferent demeanor)
Panel 5:
- Scientist: "Fortunately, we found a workaround."
- New Human: "Wait… if they’re superior in every way, they must have superior ethics, too."
- Another New Human: "Get me the president."
Panel 6:
- Scientist: "Also fortunately, cyanide smells like almonds."
- New Human: "War is never the answer, even on those who deserve it."
- Another Character: "I… yes… I suppose that's true."
Panel 7:
- Another Character: "Let us celebrate peace with a tasty marzipan cake."
Panel 8:
- Scientist: "The new humans are dead now."
- New Human: "Turns out they have superior flavor too."
Panel 9:
- Scientist: "Although the human race is flourishing now, hominid evolutionary theory will never be the same."
- Question: "Professor, why did early humans do so well?"
- Scientist: "I used to say 'intelligence,' but the buzz word in the field right now is 'dickishness.'"
This transcription captures the text and dialogue from each panel while maintaining the order and structure of the comic.