Comic #2434: 2012-01-12

Description

Here's a transcription of the text from the comic:

Panel 1: "People were annoyed by shrill commercials."

Panel 2: "ARRR? There's no chance I'll ever buy a jumbo taco-burger. Watching this is a waste of my time and money."

Panel 3: "But one day, a senator had a brilliant idea.
'What if we could figure out the odds of a person buying a product due to a commercial, multiply it by cost, and then allow consumers to pay that amount to skip ads?'"

Panel 4: "The idea was presented to Congress, who then mandated every company offer ad-skips."

Panel 5: "Cost of Purchase: $50.00
Cost of Product: $15.00
Cost to Skip: $5.00
Total: $60.00"

Panel 6: "There was a brief glorious period when companies reaped a wealth of micropayments and consumers never watched ads."

Panel 7: "Finally, I can watch this show about which restaurant is best without constantly being marketed to."

Panel 8: "But the companies soon realized their main revenue had shifted to ad-skips."

Panel 9: "Specifically, commercials nobody liked."

Panel 10: "This commercial showing tasty burgers is cripped 30% of the time, while 20% of the time with the annoying animated dog is skipped 60% of the time."

Panel 11: "Since all businesses now sold ad-skips, competition was fierce, commercials went rapidly from annoying to infuriating to horrifying."

Panel 12: "Buying a product due to a commercial?
'I don’t buy Peps!'"

Panel 13: "Within six months, every ad was just seizure-inducing light flashes, and the sound twelve year old girls make when they see a favorite musician in person."

Panel 14: "Consumer hated green so much, only necessities were purchased. Companies that succeeded were forced to jack up prices to balance out the drop in the cost of purchasing."

Panel 15: "With ketchup?
'Four hundred trillion dollars, plus a dollar.'"

Panel 16: "It's been two years now. Clothing is no longer made, homes are not repaired, and food is sacks of food meal. All shows are entirely commercial, and the commercials are just a flaming baby skull barking ethnic slurs."

Panel 17: "Fortunately, humans are excellent adapters.
By the time things reached a dystopic climax, we were already comfortable with it."

Panel 18: "Did you catch the all-despising baby skull last night?"
"Yeah, I love the all-despising baby skull!"

This transcription includes the dialogue and narrative from the comic, detailed for clarity and accessibility.