Comic #7187: pino
Description
Here is the transcription of the text from the comic:
Panel 1:
Pinocchio became a real boy
"At last! I'm made of parts that inexorably decay in ways that cannot be repaired!"
Panel 2:
"But the curse of the nose remained upon him."
"The fact that my life will end one day is what gives the present moment real meaning—HEY!"
Panel 3:
"Because his human body required food and shelter, he was forced to enter the labor force."
"Do you have any prior work experience?"
"Wow! I'm seeing management potential!"
Panel 4:
"He excelled at everything but happiness. Then, one day he found an opportunity to contribute to the world."
Panel 5:
"Plastic surgeon laments lack of donor cartilage."
"Soon, he was being paid enormous sums to tell lies while the medical establishment twisted his head and harvested as fast as they could."
Panel 6:
"This is more degrading than customer service work. This is more degrading than customer service work. This is more degrading than customer service work."
Panel 7:
"Once the process was industrialized, the entire nose could be harvested, ending shortages of donor tissue."
"Thanks to the Pinocchio method! All skin can be beautiful skin; my once acne-scarred face is now coated with smooth living-people-derived flesh!"
Panel 8:
"But a problem arose."
"Sir, what do you say to claims that tissue replaced with Pinocchio grew whenever the receiver tells a lie?"
"Those reports are exaggerations."
Panel 9:
"By the time the problem was widely understood, human existence had been changed irrevocably."
"And in light news, the world is now crisscrossed with an ever-growing quantity of Pinocchios. Scientists say at the current rate of growth, by next Tuesday, we’ll all suffocate beneath the moist physical embodiment of our own mendacity, folks."
Panel 10:
"The attempt to save the world was brief."
"We don’t have to tell lies to each other! We can change our ways—damn it’s happening again!"
Panel 11:
"The strands of Pinocchio wave about the Earth, strangling all non-Pinocchios, and where it met itself, it recombined. This happened over and over until, at last, there was only one vast life form left on Earth."
Panel 12:
"All is Pinocchio in this best of all possible worlds!"
Panel 13:
"Still, it was worth it to see the reaction on the Blue Fairy’s face."
"I AM A REAL BOY! I AM THE ONLY REAL BOY! AHAHAHAHAHA!"
Panel 14:
"Wow! Swing-and-miss on wish-granting."
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