Comic #4995: christ

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Here's the transcription of the comic:

Panel 1: Person 1: Dear Jesus, please help me.
Person 2: Hey, sorry, Jesus is doing volunteer work for an NGO in Africa. This is regular God.

Panel 2: Person 1: Oh… wow. Jeez, you know I’d be willing to wait for Jesus.
Person 2: Nah, I got this.

Panel 3: Person 2: You’re not sure how you’ll make ends meet this month. No prob. I have a solution:
Person 2: The sea rises in red foam and consumes all who increased the local cost of living!
Text bubble: Rivers of blood

Panel 4: Person 1: Please, that’s not necessa—
Person 2: …and your office firing you. Well, let them all become salt; salt more bitter than the tears their sons and daughters shall weep!

Panel 5: Person 1: Okay, all set. Please stop helping.
Person 2: I see you are sad because your children do not respect you. They have been cast into the void, replaced by obedient God-fearing children!

Panel 6: Person 1: Whew! Okay, I’m gonna take a break. If you need help, ping Buddha.

Panel 7: Person 1: Dear Buddha, can you undo all of the stuff that God—
Buddha: The fault is with you for desiring your kids to be alive.

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