Comic #4873: autonomous

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Here’s the transcription of the comic:

Panel 1: AUTONOMOUS CARS DON'T HAVE AN AI PROBLEM. HUMANS HAVE A MORTALITY PROBLEM.

Panel 2: IF THE CAR COULD SIMPLY TAKE THE SHORTEST ROUTE BETWEEN POINTS, THE ONLY HARD THING WOULD BE CLEANING THE FRONT GRILL BETWEEN TRIPS.

Panel 3: THEREFORE, RATHER THAN GO THROUGH THE CUMBERSOME WORK OF DEVELOPING CAR-BASED INTELLIGENCE OR THE GROTESQUE CREATION OF A SAPIENT MIND THAT LIVES ONLY TO DRIVE SHORT DISTANCES 24 HOURS A DAY, WE'RE PROPOSING A NEW WAY FORWARD.

Panel 4: THIS IS A HUMAN CLONING MACHINE. AT CAPACITY, IT GENERATES OVER 600,000 HUMANS PER SECOND.

Panel 5: BY INSTALLING ENOUGH OF THESE, WE CAN MAKE THE HUMAN POPULATION SO ENORMOUS THAT THE INTRODUCTION OF THE “DIRECT-ROUTE SELF-DRIVING CAR” WILL NOT CHANGE THE INDIVIDUAL RISK OF CAR-RELATED DEATH.

Panel 6: MEANWHILE, WE CUT DOWN ON BOTH THE COST OF VEHICLES AND THE TIME REQUIRED TO GET BETWEEN PLACES.

Panel 7: AS AN INCIDENTAL BONUS, THIS FRAMEWORK PROVIDES A NEW AND ENTIRELY SATISFACTORY SOLUTION TO THE SO-CALLED “TROLLEY PROBLEM,” NAMELY: THE POSSIBLE ACTIONS ARE EQUIVALENT BECAUSE NEITHER OF THEM MATTER.

Panel 8: YES, I SEE A QUESTION IN THE BACK.

Panel 9: THIS IS HORRIFIC, AND WE WON'T STAND FOR IT.

Panel 10: SORRY, I WAS CALLING ON THE GENTLEMAN BEHIND YOU.

Panel 11: DO THE HUMANS HAVE ANY CHOICE?

Panel 12: THEY MAY AGREE OR DIE.

Panel 13: <SOUND OF HUMANS APPLAUDING>

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