Comic #4834: border

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Description

Sure! Here’s the transcription of the comic:

Panel 1:
Person 1: Mr. President, I’m afraid we can’t build your border wall.
Person 2: What? Why?

Panel 2:
Person 1: The "coastline paradox" tells us that because coastlines are self-similar, the concept of length doesn’t apply. The smaller the measuring stick we use, the greater the length we will measure.

Panel 3:
Person 1: Part of the U.S.-Mexico border is the "coastline" of the Rio Grande. Therefore we must conclude that any border wall would be of infinite length.

Panel 4:
Person 2: Therefore, it will cost infinity dollars, which will be a non-starter with deficit hawks.
Person 3: What if we just use bigger measuring sticks?
Person 1: No can do.

Panel 5:
Person 1: That'd result in us losing an arbitrarily small quantity of land, which would make us look weak on the world stage.
Person 2: If the Russians get word that we’re measuring a fractal-dimension border with a Euclidean ruler, they’ll land troops in Washington by tomorrow morning.

Panel 6:
Person 1: This is a tough situation. I’d better call the Secretary of Mathematics.

Panel 7:
Person 1: Hello, I need to measure a thing.

Panel 8:
Person 4: Whoa, slow down. Could you please state the problem more generally?

This transcription captures the text of the comic accurately. Let me know if you need anything else!