Comic #4675: dilemma

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Here is the transcription of the text from the comic:

KNOW YOUR ETHICAL CONUNDRUMS:

Panel 1:
IS IT OKAY TO LIE TO IMMANUEL KANT TO PREVENT HIM FROM KILLING SOMEONE?
I HAVE A CATEGORICAL IMPERATIVE TO KICK HIS ASS!

Panel 2:
IS IT OKAY TO PUNCH JEREMY BENTHAM IF IT INCREASES TOTAL HAPPINESS?
HOW INFELICITOUS!

Panel 3:
IS IT OKAY TO RUN OVER PHILIPPA FOOT WITH A TROLLEY IN ORDER TO AVOID FIVE OTHER PEOPLE?
WHAT IS THE DRIVER’S INTENTION AND CERTA-
HRRKK!

Panel 4:
IS IT OKAY TO EAT PETER SINGER AS LONG AS HE IS NOT CAPABLE OF SUFFERING?
PLUS, I’M A FREE-RANGE PETER SINGER!

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