Comic #4428: the-miserable-streak

Description

Here’s the transcription of the comic:

Panel 1: Character 1: Life is short, but time perception is relative. Character 2: Today was awful. It just dragged on and on. Character 1: Huh.

Panel 2: Character 1: This led to a realization. Character 2: If my life were exponentially growing in sadness… would I live forever?

Panel 3: Character 1: Science was brought to bear on the problem. Character 2: People tend to perceive time as slow when enduring novel forms of pain. So, I invented a device that tortures me constantly in new, surprising ways. As a result, I will have an extremely long perceptual life.

Panel 4: Character 1: But it was not without consequences. Character 2: I now perceive every second as an hour. Effectively, I’m the Flash! Only I hate everyone and everything.

Panel 5: Character 1: The effects were immediate and terrible. Text on newspaper: ANGRY FAST LADY STEALS WORLD'S DIAMONDS; DEMANDS POWER

Panel 6: Character 1: A crack team of warriors was assembled. Warrior: You have been selected because you were the saddest person in the world. Every moment is torture. You losers are our only hope.

Panel 7: Character 1: The plan met with disaster. Character 2: You’ve cornered me. I guess you’re pretty happy about that! Character 3: What the—she suddenly sped up!

Panel 8: Character 1: The world fell into a unique form of tyranny. Character 2: People of Earth, understand this: If I rule poorly, you will be sad, and my superpower will diminish. If I rule well, you will all be happy, and my superpower will grow greater.

Panel 9: Character 1: Humanity prospered. Character 2: What’s Latin for “rule by the tormented”? Character 3: Wonderful!

Panel 10: Character 1: This may seem perverse at first glance. Character 2: Is it bad that we’re ruled by an insane person obsessed with their own suffering?

Panel 11: Character 1: Sir, I am a Christian, thank you very much!

Panel 12: Character 1: But, hey, how’s that democracy working out for you? Character 2: Huh. My vote was canceled out a million times over by a news story about a thing that never happened. Character 1: How funny.

Panel 13: Text: THIS IS A BONUS COMIC THANKS TO PEOPLE WHO PREORDERED "SOONISH." CLICK FOR MORE INFO!

This transcription captures all the text and key dialogue from the comic panels.