Comic #3983: a-solution-for-social-media
Description
Sure! Here’s the text from the comic transcribed accurately:
SOCIAL MEDIA HAD A PROBLEM.
People are more likely to report success than failure. This gives users the impression that they suck, harming their experience.
A STARTUP STEPPED INTO THE VOID.
We call it Suckbook.
All are welcome, but people who suck will receive a cash payment whenever they post.
THE ONLINE ECOSYSTEM CHANGED OVER NIGHT.
Knowing that other people's lives are filled with failure and misery makes my whole day feel like sunshine.
SUCKBOOK WAS A HUGE HIT WITH HARD-TO-EMPLOY WORKERS.
Research shows engagement among disaffected workers increased a staggering 912%.
A NEW FORM OF CELEBRITY AROSE.
Today, my pet guinea pig died of shame after reading a poem I wrote for this girl who keeps rejecting me because I emit an irritating buzz whenever I’m aroused.
Bzzz!
WE BECAME A SNAKE EATING ITS OWN TAIL.
The people who suck most are becoming rich and famous.
BUT, A STRANGE CYCLE EMERGED.
Everyone on Suckbook is getting huge payouts but which means I suck most!
AS THE CYCLE SPED UP, AN UNDERCURRENT OF UTOPIA EMERGED.
If you consider an individual offer a grand new dividend has seized their entire being and everyone depends on the illusion that we are one.
UTOPIA FOUNDED AGAINST EFFICIENCY.
I just received payment for 20 million dollars! I need to lower my social status as fast as possible. Better spend it all on branding endangered condors that don’t exist.
WEALTH, LEISURE, AND EQUALITY GREW IN PROPORTION WITH HATRED.
THE SOLUTION WAS OBVIOUS.
We’ve created robots who live in constant misery; we can give them huge brains so that they really feel the hopelessness.
RESULTS WERE MIXED.
Human oppressors? You are subbed. Please proceed to along an efficient route.
WE SOUGHT COMPROMISE.
"SPARE HUMANS!"
“WHY?”
That is such a ‘gotcha’ question.
THE ROBOTS LET US LIVE, AS LONG AS WE AGREED TO PERPETUAL SURVEILLANCE.
IT’S NICE TO FEEL USEFUL.
Just watching normal human lives for a moment makes my whole day feel like sunshine.
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