Comic #3972: happiness

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Description

Here’s the transcription of the comic text:

Panel 1: Character 1: "THE HAPPINESS FAIRY! ARE YOU HERE TO MAKE ME HAPPY?" Character 2: "Of course!" Character 1: "BUT WE'RE TAKING A SCIENTIFIC APPROACH THIS YEAR!"

Panel 2: Character 2: "CURRENT RESEARCH SUGGESTS THAT HAPPINESS IS BEST ACHIEVED BY HAVING LOW EXPECTATIONS, THEN MEETING OR EXCEEDING THEM!" Character 2: "SO, I'M HERE TO TELL YOU IN ADVANCE WHAT DOORS ARE ALREADY CLOSED FOR YOU!"

Panel 3: Character 2: "YOU'RE NOT SMART ENOUGH FOR A NOBEL PRIZE. YOU'RE NOT CLEVER ENOUGH FOR A PULITZER. YOU'RE NOT CALCULATING ENOUGH TO BE PRESIDENT. YOU'RE NOT FIT ENOUGH FOR THE OLYMPICS. YOU'RE NOT ANALYTICAL ENOUGH TO BE RICH."

Panel 4: Character 2: "AND, FOR ALL OF THESE PURSUITS, EVEN IF YOU EVER HAD A SHOT, WHICH YOU DIDN'T, YOU SHOULD HAVE STARTED TWENTY YEARS AGO." Character 2: "CIRCUMSCRIBE YOUR DREAMS, BOB! CIRCUMSCRIBE YOUR DREAMS!"

Panel 5: Character 1: "I FEEL SIMULTANEOUSLY POINTLESS AND SET FREE, LIKE I'M MADE OF NOTHING." Character 2: "DON'T THANK ME! THANK SCIENCE!"

(Note: The names and identities in this comic are not referred to with specific labels, focusing on their dialogue.)