Comic #3924: the-stats-device

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Description

Here’s the text from the comic transcribed accurately:

Panel 1: "I HAVE THIS FANTASY WHERE I HAVE A DEVICE THAT GIVES YOU STATS ON ANYTHING." "38% OF PEOPLE IN THIS BUILDING WEAR WHITE BRIEFS."

Panel 2: "I IMAGINE IT AT LEAST A FEW TIMES A DAY." "YOU HAVE SAT ON THIS CHAIR 8,743 TIMES."

Panel 3: "I HAVE HAD THIS FANTASY FOR DECADES." "ZERO GIRLS LIKE YOUR HAIRCUT." "SEVEN MORE INTERVIEWS UNTIL YOU GET A JOB." "ZERO SPOUSES LIKE YOUR HAIRCUT."

Panel 4: "BUT I ONLY JUST REALIZED THAT I HAVE NEVER ONCE IMAGINED USING IT PRODUCTIVELY." "HOW ABOUT YOU USE ME TO DETERMINE THE RESULTS OF DRUG TRIALS?" "BLAH BLAH BLAH." "HEY, HOW MANY DIFFERENT COWS ARE IN THIS BURGER?"

This captures all the dialogue from the comic. Let me know if you need anything else!