Comic #3874: thank-you-for-the-sex

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Description

Here’s the transcription of the text from the comic:

A GUIDE TO WRITING A THANK YOU CARD FOR SEX

PART 1: INTRODUCTION.
Ex:

• DEAR SPOUSE,
• DEAREST SIGNIFICANT OTHER,
• FELLOW HUMAN,

PART 2: DESCRIBE WHAT YOU ARE THANKFUL FOR.
Ex:

• I WISH TO EXPRESS MY EARNEST APPRECIATION FOR THE ERROTIC INTERACTION WE SHARED.
• I WAS PROFOUNDLY MOVED BY YOUR STIMULATION OF VARIOUS GLANDS AND/OR ORGANS.
• WOW. WHAT A SEX.

PART 3: TAKE CARE TO REFERENCE THE TIME AND/OR LOCATION TO MAKE THE CARD MORE PERSONAL.
Ex:

• I APPRECIATED MINUTES 2, 4, AND 8-10 OF THE SEX WE HAD.
• I WISH TO EXPRESS MY GRATITUDE FOR THE VARIOUS INTERACTIONS WE SHARED BETWEEN 11:03 AND 11:07 PM OF NOVEMBER 27TH WHILE WAITING FOR YOUR DOWNLOAD TO COMPLETE.
• THE EVER-INCREASING LENGTH OF SITCOM COMMERCIALS HAS MEANT A GREAT DEAL TO MY SEX LIFE.

PART 4: APOLOGIZE FOR ANY WAYS IN WHICH YOU WERE DEFICIENT.
Ex:

• IN RETROSPECT, I SHOULD HAVE ANSWERED THAT TEXT IN A MORE SUBTLE MANNER.
• AS I EXPLAINED THROUGH THE BATHROOM DOOR, I AM TERRIBLE WITH NAMES.
• I RECOGNIZE NOW THAT “THE HELICOPTER” PROVIDES NO MOTIVE FORCE.

PART 5: COMPLIMENT THEIR EFFORTS.
Ex:

• YOUR ACTIONS AND PHYSICAL FORM WERE ENTIRELY SATISFACTORY.
• YOUR BUTTOCKS CONTINUE TO BE A SOURCE OF INSPIRATION.
• THE DILIGENCE WITH WHICH YOU PURSUED YOUR OWN ORGASM REMINDED ONE OF THE PATIENCE AND DETERMINATION OF A SKILLED FOXHUNTER.

PART 6: DESCRIBE HOW THE EXPERIENCE WILL BE USEFUL FOR FUTURE ENDEAVORS.
Ex:

• EACH SUCH ENCOUNTER HELPS PREPARE ME FOR SIMILAR FUTURE ENGAGEMENTS.
• I NOW HAVE A FULLER SENSE OF MY DEFICIENCIES.
• ALTHOUGH I NOW FEEL I HAVE NO HOME, I ALSO FEEL I HAVE NO FEAR. I SAIL FOR ARABIA AT FIRST LIGHT.

PART 7: VALEDICTION.
Ex:

• WITH DEEP GRATITUDE.
• WITH LUST TEMPERED BY REMORSE.
• WE WERE WRONG. TERRIBLY WRONG. WE OWE IT TO FUTURE GENERATIONS TO EXPLAIN WHY.

For more information or adjustments, feel free to ask!