Comic #3842: bacon-is-literally-cancer

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Description

Here is the transcription of the comic text:

Panel 1: "According to recent scientific analysis, eating bacon causes cancer."

Panel 2: "Tragically, as a newscaster, I am unable to understand the difference between the questions, 'Does an effect exist?' and 'How strong is the effect?'"

Panel 3: "Therefore, I have categorized all things into 'causes cancer' and 'does not cause cancer.'"

Panel 4: "Anything increasing the risk of cancer, no matter how minor the effect, will be treated as scary and important."

Panel 5: "For instance, the fact that I am bald means the people around me get a slightly higher dose of radiation from my body than they would if I wore a toupee."

Panel 6: "I, Steve Jennings, newscaster… CAUSE CANCER!"

Panel 7: "Dammit! Did statisticians get loose in the newsroom again?"

Panel 8: "Stay back, cancer-head!"