Comic #3620: obliviocracy
Description
Here's a transcription of the text from the comic:
Panel 1: "As technology advanced, personal history became easier to document." "This device knows every single failure or success in every person's life." "Why do we want that?" "More information is always better."
Panel 2: "Untested technology always comes shrouded in hope." "It’s amazing how similar we all are." "We all fail. We all struggle. We are all rejected. Maybe we should just accept each other as whole, imperfect people."
Panel 3: "Hope was soon removed." "It says here that you laughed at an anti-Semitic joke at age eleven." "I don’t even remember." "We are no longer friends."
Panel 4: "Democratic elections became especially hard." "I agree with his policies, but according to this, he once cut a slice out of a cake his mom had meant for a church bake sale." "And this man wants to govern me?"
Panel 5: "Most people have an average amount of triumph and failure, but by sheer probability, a few people experience only success." "Don’t ask me. I’m just a purveyor delivering sex and gold."
Panel 6: "In the age of total awareness, these were the only electable people." "According to this, she saved a thousand lives by tripping and falling on a fire alarm just as an aircraft struck." "I am prepared to agree with her views on Iran."
Panel 7: "I don’t see why people act like it’s so hard to be president! All I did was want it, and I got it! Like everything else. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I must go make Russia unilaterally disarm."
Panel 8: "Oblivocracy went poorly." "I know the invasion is unusual, but things always work out for me! I believe the Canadians will greet us as liberators."
Panel 9: "Fortunately, all democracies had the same problem." "Ma'am, Mexico has conquered the Southwest. Bombers are headed toward Washington." "I'm gonna take a nap. Things always work out for me after a nap."
Panel 10: "And therefore, I proclaim myself king of America!" "Ha! Neat! It’s like I’m in a movie!"
Panel 11: "The world is now run by a small number of vicious autocrats, all information is centralized and controlled." "Hey, how come I can’t look up anyone’s successes and failures?" "You still can for some people. Look, here’s a whole list of the glorious leader’s victories."
Panel 12: "Wow! Now he runs the world cup by himself!"
Panel 13: "It’s so freeing!" "Now, nobody knows I once tried to ask a guy out by quoting Star Trek!" "Hey! Get back in the ACID MINES!" "Yes ma'am!"
Feel free to ask if you need anything else!