Comic #3455: 2014-11-02

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Description

Here's a transcription of the text in the comic:

Panel 1: Alien saying: "About 200,000 years ago, it was discovered that spaceships could be powered by ennui."

Human thinking: "This was bad because our society is perfected and happy."

Panel 2: Alien saying: "So, we came to this planet, found some beings, and then modified their minds so they couldn't experience objective happiness. All of their happiness would be in response to the relative status of OTHER such beings, or to what they could imagine themselves having."

Human thinking: "Humans."

Panel 3: Alien saying: "Everywhere else in the universe, a being is happy to have a piece of candy. A human is only happy if she has two, and everybody else has one. And even then, she’s imagining three."

Panel 4: Human saying: "So… our perpetual hedonic crisis powers your ships?"

Alien saying: "Yes."

Panel 5: Human saying: "So human life isn’t meaningless?!"

Alien saying: "Wait, what? No…"

Panel 6: Human saying: "I have meaning! I matter! I’m special!"

Alien saying: "Stop it! I don’t tell any other humans!"

Panel 7: Human saying: "Gimme ten million tons of gold and I’ll keep quiet."

Alien saying: "It’s yours!"

Panel 8: Text under a new scene: "Ten minutes later…"

Human thinking: "Should’ve asked for eleven million."

This transcription provides an accurate representation of the dialogue found within the comic.