Comic #3448: 2014-10-26
Description
Here’s the transcription of the comic:
Text at the top: THE REAL CURRENCY OF MODERN LIFE IS INFORMATION.
001101110010110101110100011011010110100101110011011110010110001001101111011011100110111001101101
Body of the Comic: SO WE DECIDED TO MAKE IT THE ACTUAL CURRENCY.
v = r * p
v = value of info
r = rarity of info
e = excitement of info
p = people affected by info release
First Panel: THIS WAS MUCH EASIER THAN MONEY. How much for a Crunchwrap? Please write down one painful high school memory.
Second Panel: AND A MORE TRANSPARENT GOVERNMENT. IN ORDER TO PURCHASE A NEW FLEET OF DRONES, THE PENTAGON WILL RELEASE ALL THE CRAZY THINGS IT DID IN THE 1980S, AS WELL AS A PHOTO OF ALIEN DUDES' LEFT NIPPLE.
Third Panel: UNTIL, ONE DAY, THERE WAS AN ECONOMIC DOWNTURN WITH HYPERINFLATION. How much for a Crunchwrap? There are separate medical records showing a foreign object removed from your anus.
Fourth Panel: CITIZENS WERE FORCED TO CREATE NEW EMBARRASSING INFORMATION JUST TO SURVIVE. How do you afford so much? I grew up in the bad part of Newark. I have seen some stuff.
Fifth Panel: EVER MORE EMBARRASSING INFORMATION WAS REQUIRED FOR EVER SCARCE GOODS AND SERVICES. I thought Santa was real until I was 31 years old. I have a tattoo of my butt.
Sixth Panel: JUST AS THINGS LOOKED GRIM, AN INVENTOR CAME ALONG. THIS ROBOT DOES TWO THINGS AT HIGH SPEED: (1) SHAMEFUL, AND (2) REVEALING THEM. When I was young, I had a one night stand with UNIVAC.
Seventh Panel: THE BOX WAS SO CHEAP, EVERYONE GOT ONE. WE ENTERED POST-INFORMATION-SCARCITY WORLD. CITIZENS OF EARTH, I PROMISE A CHICKEN IN EVERY POT AND MANURE REVELATION IN EVERY EAR!
Eighth Panel: THERE WAS JUST ONE PROBLEM. Did anyone remember to grow food this year? I’d look that up, but with all the new information I think I can’t get there. I need a decade to finish the query.
Ninth Panel: EVERYONE IS DEAD NOW.
Tenth Panel: ON THE PLUS SIDE, WE DIED WITH A GREAT SECRET. Because… at first, we turned into plants.
Let me know if you need anything else!