Comic #3315: 2014-06-15
Description
Here's a detailed transcription of the comic:
Panel 1:
- Text: "A lot of students have been protesting university commencement speakers lately."
- Character: A woman with glasses and curly hair, wearing a blazer.
Panel 2:
- Text: "This is usually because the students disagree with the speaker's views or actions, and therefore, don't want to hear from them."
Panel 3:
- Character: The same woman continues.
- Text: "What you students may not realize is that the point of a commencement speech isn't the words. If you want inspiration or profound insight or whatever, well, you should've got it in literature class."
Panel 4:
- Text: "No. The point of the speaker is to show how much money our university can afford to spend on 20 minutes of platitudes. We need to show off our brand. You need our brand to get a job."
Panel 5:
- Text: "So, we have reached a compromise solution: For commencement this year, we have simply heaped a pile of cash on the dais."
Panel 6:
- Text: "I will now set the cash on fire. As the flame burns down, you will receive degrees."
- Character: A woman holding cash, looking mischievous.
Panel 7:
- Text: "Congratulations, graduates."
Panel 8:
- Character: One graduate says, "I feel like I’m actually learning a lesson from this speech."
- Another graduate responds, "If so, it is purely unintentional."
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