Comic #3247: 2014-04-08

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Description

Here’s a detailed transcription of the text in the comic:

Panel 1: Alien 1: "Madame President, this device will end hunger, cure disease, share profound truth, and is so cheap every human can have one!" President: "What's the problem?"

Panel 2: Alien 2: "I see…" Alien 1: "If you give it to us, it will at some point be used to erotically stimulate a human's anus."

Panel 3: President: "Why does the wind blow? Why does the sun shine? Look… it's just a small object."

Panel 4: Alien 1: "What? Why?" Alien 2: "What does size have to do with it?"

Panel 5: President: "It's a law of sociology! Any object smaller than softball will be at some point gently, yet firmly, wobbled against a human anus. No exceptions."

Panel 6: Alien 1: "So, the pocket fusion reactor we—" Alien 2: "No exceptions."

Panel 7: President: "And the statue of Emperor Zorthak—" Alien 1: "No exceptions."

Panel 8: Alien 2: "We'd like our treaty of mutual assistance back." President: "No can do. I'm sitting on it!"

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