Comic #3125: 2013-12-07

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Description

Here’s the transcription of the comic:

Panel 1
Person 1: "Wait, wait, stop there. This sex is ambiguous."
Person 2: "Huh?"
Person 1: "There are two kingdoms of sex: procreation and communication."

Panel 2
Person 1: "Definitely not procreation."
Person 2: "That leaves seven, Phyla: fun, lust, apology, despair, frustration, confusion, and maintenance."

Panel 3
Person 2: "Fun."
Person 1: "You sure it’s not maintenance? Maintenance has a lot of cladistic similarity to fun. You really have to look at the first two or three minutes of sex and consider reaction time and pupil dilation."

Panel 4
Person 1: "Can’t it be both?"
Person 2: "Sorry, the entire maintenance sex tree is monophyletic. But, it has three major branches: love, fear, and habit."

Panel 5
Person 1: "Why can’t we just have sex?"
Person 2: "Oh my god."

Panel 6
Person 1: "We just transitioned to frustration sex! This is the first confirmed horizontal transfer of sex taxonomy!"

Panel 7
Person 1: "Forget it. I’m going to sleep."
Person 2: "I just as I feared."

Panel 8
Person 2: "The hybrid is stillborn."

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