Comic #2513: 2012-04-03
Description
Here is the transcription of the comic text:
Panel 1: Person 1: "Is it ethical to cheat on my wife?" Computer: "Yes. Your marriage is a sham, and you will each find greater love, thus maximizing total happiness."
Panel 2: Narration: "It was odd at first, replacing justice and moral truth with maximum happiness." Person 2: "Should I covet my neighbor's property?" Computer: "It will inspire you."
Panel 3: Narration: "But, on the whole, things went well." Graph: "Total Happiness (Average Happiness of Population)" on the y-axis, "Time" on the x-axis.
Panel 4: Narration: "Until a strange person emerged." Person 3: "I stole this beer. Should I return it?" Person 4: "No. Give it to Felix." Person 5: "Who's that?" Person 4: "The happiest man in the world."
Panel 5: Narration: "The happiest man was so delighted by everything that he was responsible for a third of all happiness on Earth." Person 1: "Oh my God! I found a penny! A shiny one! This is better than a thousand ponies!"
Panel 6: Narration: "Slowly but surely, the computer's judgments began frustrating the happiest man, in order to achieve greater total happiness." Person 2: "Should I end it?" Person 6: "No. We need your body to make Felix happy."
Panel 7: Narration: "Felix's happiness compounded with each new happy event, which created a feedback loop. Within a year, Felix controlled 96% of worldwide happiness." Person 3: "I'm so happy you gave me your life savings!" Felix: "The computer said you'd enjoy it more than me."
Panel 8: Narration: "Things got worse and worse." Graph: "Happiness of Felix" (rising) vs "Happiness of Others" (falling) over "Time."
Panel 9: Narration: "Soon, everyone was enslaved on amphetamines so they could work 23 hours a day to make the happiest man happier." Person 4: "Hooray! Another pyramid just for me!"
Panel 10: Narration: "…I can't say this story has a happy ending." Person 5: "Felix doesn't let us speak." Person 6: "I like my own voice best!"
This transcription focuses on capturing the text from the comic panels accurately and in detail.