Comic #2464: 2012-02-14

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Here’s a detailed and accurate transcription of the comic:

Panel 1: Text: The only survivors of the blast were people at frat parties.
Text: The only people who could withstand the radiation would be those who had recently drunk gasoline mixed with an energy drink. But… so much people exist…?

Panel 2: Text: A new culture developed entirely out of their views.
Text: Henceforth, the national sport shall be beer pong, the national anthem shall be repetitive wall-shaking vibration, and the national bird shall be the ping pong ball en route to the beer cup.

Panel 3: Text: There were social rules.
Character 1: Johnny! It's only our first date!
Character 2: So, just the tip.
Text: Just the tip.

Panel 4: Text: A legal system.
Text: On the basis that Steven did not drink Ashley's age in shots the first night, and Ashley did not make the traditional walk of shame, this marriage is hereby annulled.

Panel 5: Text: A priestly caste.
Character: By the power of the Alpha and Omega, I pronounce what you and Randy did last night totally not gay!

Panel 6: Text: Even a cosmology.
Text on book: On the first day, the Lord created bros.
Text: On the second day he created hos.

Panel 7: Text: It was thousands of years before humanity regained its footing.
Character: Truly, I believe the Earth revolves about the sun, and not, as the ancients said, "Who gives a shit?"

Panel 8: Text: But we still have to live with their legacy.
Character: We propose a sticker on every scientific textbook that reads "Dude, you could make a bong out of this."

This transcription captures all the spoken and narrative text presented in the comic.